


Blind Date

by Ultimatum



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Asexual John, Developing Relationship, FTM Dave, Fluff, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-27 06:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2683199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimatum/pseuds/Ultimatum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An “our asshole mutual friends set us up on a blind date and didn’t tell us it was a blind date because they think we are both sad and pathetic and need to get our lives together" AU, featuring your favorite homiesexuals, John Egbert and Dave Strider.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moping

Your room is dark, the summer air hot and stifling around you despite it still being earlier in the morning. It's been weeks since you've left the house, and even longer since you've had a sufficient meal or a long shower. Jade tries to make you eat, of course. She'll bring bags of groceries over to your house and you'll be able to hear her hum downstairs as she cooks away at the stove, making recipes Dad had scrawled down in a huge book by the counter. And you appreciate it! Really, you do. But...

You kind of wish Jade would just fuck off and leave you alone at this point!

Yeah, you are very much aware that being a pouting baby for months will get you nowhere, but what the hell are you _supposed _to do? It has been exactly 32 days since Dad died. 32 days since you've smelled cake being baked downstairs. 32 days since you've heard his exploding laugh or had your hair tousled by his large hands, since his affectionate and _proud _voice called your name for breakfast. You miss him so, so terribly; the pain and emptiness claws at your throat and stomach and chest and makes you feel empty and gaping.____

____Why had you taken him for granted for so long?_ _ _ _

____It was a sudden stroke, the doctors said. From all the smoking. Dad was cooking dinner when it happened, and you were wearing your headphones and jamming out to the songs on your iPod and talking to your friend, Karkat. You hadn't heard what was going on, so you know that it has to be partially your fault. Maybe if you had been more aware-_ _ _ _

____"John! Get the fuck up right this instant mister frowny mc pissbaby!"_ _ _ _

____You groan and pull the covers over your face as you hear Jade charge in your room. Ignoring how much _hotter _it is under the bedsheet and how sweaty and clammy you are, you do your best to ignore your half-sister, but she's having none of your antics. She rips the covers off of the top half of your body and places her hands at her hips. "Stop this right now John! Enough pouting, we have to get you back into the real world before you become a permanent hermit!"___ _ _ _

______You make a low groaning noise and roll over, flopping on your back quite pathetically. You whine, much like a child, and complain, "But I don't want to go back into the real world!"_ _ _ _ _ _

Really. All you _want _to do right now is sleep off the burning ache in your chest. Why won't Jade just leave you alone to wallow?__

__Jade tskes, grabs your limp arm, and yanks you from your bed without even trying. Your head knocks against your nightstand and your tailbone makes an uncerimonial connection with the hardwood floor, and you cry out in pain. Jade shakes her head down at you and tries getting you to stand on your feet. "Look at yourself!" She says between huffs. "You're, like, almost twenty. You stopped going to community college and you're practically living on candy bars and instant noodles! What are you doing with yourself?"_ _

__Ah, you think. So this is what an intervention feels like. You... You're _pretty _sure that's what she's trying to do right now, anyway. But you're fine! You don't need an intervention, you just need some alone time._ ___

"Bullshit," Jade says, and you realize that you said the last part aloud. "Moping around like this forever isn't going to get you anywhere. He's dead, John. it happened. It happened and it sucks but you have to adjust already or the world is just going to leave you behind!"

You shrug, your eyes locked on a weird scratch in the floor. Apparently this was the wrong answer because Jade hits you upside the head and forces you into a full standing position. Without saying another word, she uses her shoulder to shove your dead-weight into the hall and over to the bathroom. "Take a shower, you smell horrible. I'll go make us breakfast. After that, we're going out for a bit to try and get you out of this slump." 

Jade smiles warmly at you in a pleading manner and you can't find it in yourself to deny the girl. You sigh and nod your head, allowing your eyes to slip shut in acceptance. There's no denying it now, Jade is going to drag you around today whether you like it or not, and she'll use force if necessary. It's best at this point to just roll with it - and you know these things from experience. Your sister just isn't a force to be trifled with.

"Good!" Jade shoves you into the bathroom and tosses a towel and a fresh outfit at you that you never even saw her grab, soon shutting the door after you without another word. You rub the bridge of your nose and pinch it, feeling an oncoming headache. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck this. You want to be mad at Jade for forcing you to leave the house, but you don't have the energy to hold a grudge against her. You peel away your sweaty clothes, turn on the shower, and sigh quietly.

Everything is oh so wrong.

-  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 9:00 --  
TT: So I assume that since you're pestering me you have gotten John into motion?  
GG: hehe yep!!!  
GG: gosh i hope this makes john stop being so sad all the time :(  
TT: It isn't likely that this will be an instant "fix" to both of our brothers' woes, but I do firmly trust that they both need support in this time of their lives. And as much as we would like to help them and as much as we have tried, there are some things we simply cannot do, seeing as we aren't as affected by circumstance. I truly believe that John and Dave can come out of this stronger than ever.  
GG: boy i really really hope so  
GG: but do you think that theyll actually cooperate after they know what we schemed for them?? D:  
GG: i mean i dont know if john will appreicaite knowing i set him up for a blind date...  
GG: with someone he never even talked to before...  
TT: I suppose this would be the most beneficial choice, though.  
TT: Dave is hopelessly desperate for a friend other than me and you at this point in time. That isn't even me trying to poke fun at him, it is merely a fact.  
TT: And is it safe to assume the same for John?  
GG: i mean i think so!!!! im just worried that john will get angry at us...  
GG: well actually i dont care if he gets mad because hes being a huge jerkface and he seriously needs to get out of the house >:(  
TT: Haha. Well, Jade. I think that regardless of the outcome, the two of them have a large chance of at least becoming friends. From what I have seen, they're painfully similar.  
GG: yeah that is true  
GG: oops i think i heard the shower go off!!  
GG: see you at the movies okay  
TT: Of course. Dave and I will be departing in a few. See you then.  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 9:15 --


	2. The gays... they meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they meet. hoo boy. and john's mad as hell he wasnt told this was going to be a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry... it h a s been so long. i hope ppl still read this lmao

Your name is Dave Strider, and if anyone were to ask you, you’d say that you were the hottest and most put-together guy on the planet. After all, why wouldn’t you be? You’re cool, calm, and collected, and girls just adore the hell out of you wherever you go (which you guess is alright).

There are just a few problems with that, though. You’re not exactly the suave man you’d like to believe yourself to be; you’re more often than not an emotional devoid fuckbag who just lives like a zombie, which just makes the girls who like you realize just how messed you are in the head.

And you’re gay. So it’s not like it matters what the girls think of you anyway, emotionally empty or no. (And you’re perfectly aware that the whole “numb to positive emotions” thing seems unhealthy, but you’ll get to that topic later).

But that shit’s all irrelevant.

What is relevant, however, is the utter disdain you feel towards your sister right now. Rose is such an obstinate and stubborn lady, and she’s been like this for all of the years that you've known her. Added to that, she's a year older than you, so she's always been the infuriating big sister on top of everything else.

She's been trying to get you out of your house for weeks because you've refused to get off your nasty ass, instead you've been preoccupied with playing Animal Crossing and tending to your town (Isabel is just the sweetest, you love her, she is so kind, so pure). So, over the past few weeks Rose has stated endearingly, again and again, that she's sick of your "horsefuckery" and "vapid attempts to conceal yourself from the world".

And really, you got kind of tired of her telling you how unhealthy your behaviors are-- so in the end, you've resolved to let her just do whatever the fuck she wants with you to get her off your back. 

Which led to... This.

"Why do you feel the need to control my life?" You ask her feebly in an attempt to stop the quelling anxiety bubbling up inside of you. "And really, Rose? A blind date? A movie theatre? What are we, 13 year olds?"

"Well, seeing as you _act_ like a 13 year old, it's no wonder I have to steer you in the right direction at times, dear brother of mine. And it won't be that bad, he's cute, and it's not like we're forcing you two to date, it's more like a..." Rose hums, starts the car, buckles herself in, and slowly pulls out of the lot while she thinks. "It's more like an... opportunity. For the both of you, of course. Lord knows you need some help getting out there Dave."

You feel a bit indignant that she thinks you can't get dates on your own, but a part of you knows she's right: you're pretty bad at... relationships in general. In fact, you're pretty sure your only friend (Rose doesn't count) is this girl that went to the same trans youth group as you did a year back-- Terezi. 

You still keep in touch and you're grateful to have her and her troll-esque antics, but you can't help but feel a little shitty that she's basically the only friend you have on this entire godawful planet. 

You stay silent with worry pinching at your gut for the rest of the ride, wondering how this is even going to work out and whether or not it'll be a giant fuckin' train wreck like you expect it to be. You wonder if the kid you’re going to be on a “date” with even knows this is happening. Probably not. You wonder incessantly about a whole tirade of things until you arrive at the movie theatre; when Rose pulls into a parking space, your heart rate doubles, and you think you might just fuck yourself (or pass out. Whichever one you can do first).

“C’mon drama queen,” Rose says as she stops the engine. “I promise it won’t be as bad as you’re anticipating. If you _really_ don’t want to do this, we can head back now and I won’t say a word.”

Ugh you hate when she gets like this.

“Nah,” you reply, feigning chill. “It wouldn’t be fair to leave the kid hanging. Let’s bounce.”

Rose leads you inside after that, checking her phone every few seconds. She buys your tickets, gives you money to buy yourself some snacks, and tells you that she’ll meet you in theatre number 16. You nod mutely, kind of drained from being in public this long already, and watch her retreat into the aisles of theatre rooms while you wait in the food line.

In the end, you settle for some popcorn, a container of Dibs, and a large soda. After all, it’s not like you were the one paying for it.

With mild trepidation, you make your way to theatre 16, only somewhat noting the movie that you’re going to be watching as you enter (this is a date, you remind yourself, your first date in 4 years and it’s with someone you don’t even know).

You see Rose standing near the top of the theatre, and recognize the sign on her shirt all the way from the bottom of the stairs. She nods to you, beckons you closer, and with your heart thumping in your temples (you think this is the first kind of actual feeling you’ve had in weeks, even if it is negative) you climb up.

She’s alone, and your hands are shaking slightly even though your “date” isn’t even here yet. Fuck this. Fuck Rose. Fuck emotions. Fuck fuck fuck.

And, as if Satan himself is rising from hell to give your dick a firm slap, as soon as you reach Rose, you hear someone call her name from behind you amidst the soft chatter of the other movie-goers. Rose shoots you a quick sympathetic smile before walking forward to hug the person who yelled for her. 

“Jade! It’s good to see you.”

“Likewise, Rose!” She’s got this bubbly voice, like she’s in a Disney movie or something and ready to call all of her animal friends to do her hair or something (not that you mind. she’s cute in her own sort of way). 

Your eyes tear away from the short girl with endearingly ratty black hair -- Jade, you suppose -- and fix your eyes on the boy storming after her and approaching fast. “Jade!” He hisses, like he’s trying to be extra quiet even though the movie hasn’t even started. He’s kinda cute, you guess. In a nerdy way. His hair is a black mess just like Jade’s, and he’s wearing this dorky ‘GAME OVER’ sweatshirt with an old GameBoy on it. “What the fuck!”

Jade gives an impish smile and waits for the kid to reach your little gaggle. When he does, the poor guy is panting like he just ran a marathon to catch up with her. 

He throws his hands up into the air, still trying to catch his breath. “I can’t believe you! You really fucking _did_ set me up with someone. Jade, my dad just _died_ and you think I'm ready to have a relationship?” without even looking at you, he waves his hands in your direction, still staring down Jade, who is looking a little less accomplished.. “And with some stranger no less? Do you really think I’m pathetic enough to need to be set up with some douchebag?”

Douchebag. Huh. Well, it’s not really an original insult-- you hear it a lot --but you have to give him props. Insulting your date. Classy. Also, his dad died you guess? That kind of sucks.

He looks at you really quickly, as if catching his assholery. “Not that you aren’t probably a good person or anything, just saying though. I didn’t um. Know about this.”

“It’s cool bro,” you say. Because yeah. You get it. This isn’t really something you anticipated either.

Jade bites her lip. “Oh John, I’m sorry! But you were just being so sad all the time and moping and I was _worried_ about you!”

John. Huh. What an ordinary name.

“So you set me up on a blind date? Really?”

“Jooohn, I said I was sorry! Why don’t we all just sit down and watch the movie? You can be mad at me later, but you’re causing a scene.”

Rose is watching this all crash and burn with bemusement. Fuck her. Fuck this. Everyone is staring at you guys and you kind of just want to disappear.

“No!” John says, his voice rising a bit. “I’m leaving. I can’t believe you dragged me here and I can’t believe you think me mourning my dad is pathetic. Thanks Jade for being inconsiderate, see you later or something.” He turns around and walks right back down the staircase, still looking winded as hell and even more pissed than when he got here.

Wow. What a trainwreck.

Hey, you called it.

“I’ll go after him,” you say to both of the girls, mostly because you don’t want to talk to them right now. You think they might try to apologize to you, which, barf. You’re not in the mood.

Rose nods, smiling a bit, and what a cocky asshole, you bet she knew something like this was going to happen from the start. Without glancing at them again, you set the food you bought down, shove your hands deep into your jacket pockets to wring your hands together, and hunch your shoulders up until they're level with your ears (everyone is staring at you guys still. ugh). You pace out of the theatre to find the kid--

John, you remind yourself. His name is John.

His name is John and hoo boy does he walk fast, jesus fuck you can barely see him, he’s walking so quickly. Damn tall people. Damn their long legs. Damn them to hell and curse your tiny body.

You follow John out into the parking lot, trying to catch up with him (and failing). You can see that he’s still fuming from where you are, and you ask yourself once more why you’re following him. He’s made it perfectly clear that he just wants to go home to be by himself.

Maybe it’s pity, you tell yourself. Maybe it’s pity. 

“Hey!” You call after him, breaking into a slow jog. John’s head turns and his eyebrows pinch together like he’s confused you came after him in the first place. He stops walking and actually lets you catch up to him. 

“Uh… Hey,” John says slowly, almost apprehensively. 

“Hey.” You say again, because obviously you’re the most articulate guy around capable of English speech.

“I’m not going back to the movie if that’s what you think,” John doesn’t sound angry, just tired. “Nothing against you or anything. I mean. I’m just mad at my sister.”

“Nah I get it, I wasn’t going to come to drag you back anyway. I just uh.” Good job Dave, you don’t have a reason for this at all, do you? Or one that doesn’t sound totally lame. You fumble over your words and try to form some coherent thoughts. Fuck you and your bad people skills.

Eventually, you give up and shove your hand out towards him. “I’m Dave. Because I um… Haven’t introduced myself.”

John stares at your hand for a second before giving a short exhale that might have been a laugh and grabs it with his larger one. Damn his hands are big. They make yours look even daintier than they already do normally. 

“I’m John.”

“Uh, look.” You start, yanking your hand back after a few shakes. You’re being way too rigid, way too uncool. Goddamn you’re lame. “Do you want to maybe… Go and do something together? Just as people, I mean, if you’re uncomfortable with the whole date thing. You seem chill and, I don’t know where I’m going with this so please just stop me before I ramble myself into an early death-”

“Yeah,” John replies, effectively cutting you off. “That’d be cool. I have a whole afternoon to kill anyway. Where do you want to go?”

\----

You come back home to an empty house. Of course you did. What made you think Bro would actually be home? You sigh, lock the door behind you, and trudge to your room, the feeling of happiness in your chest that you got from being with John deflating like a balloon. 

Why’d you even expect someone like John to change things for you? You still feel like shit. You still feel empty. 

You clutch the paper in your hand with this chumhandle on it and shove it into the drawer by your desk without much thought. Today was fun. More fun than the past four years of your life has been, which is, as you are aware, pathetic as hell.

But you’re glad you guess, even if you’re both just friends and even if you still feel like you have a gaping hole in your chest.

You peel off your binder, slip out of your shoes, and curl up in bed for the rest of the day, hearing John’s voice echo around the inside of your skull.

**Author's Note:**

> wow this is hells of short. but ey... ne xt chapter.... the gays shall meet.........................


End file.
